Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
