One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
