oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
