grandma shit on top of the toilet
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
