You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
