Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
