dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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