If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
