I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
