Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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