so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
