The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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