his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
