yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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