sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
