I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
