So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
