For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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