OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
