she woke up with a sticky ear
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
