happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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