Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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