Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
