if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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