i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
