dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
