Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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