I can tuck mytits in my pants
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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