Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
