Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We are all done wearing pants today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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