you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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