remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
