just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
