for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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