you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
