i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
