Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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