I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
