I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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