Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
