on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
