i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
