i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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