So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
