Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
