The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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