Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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