She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
