my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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