How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
