How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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