A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
