Fuck appropriateness.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
