Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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