I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
