he shaved USA in his pubs
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
