so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
