Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
