Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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