Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
