i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
