hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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