I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
