Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
ttyl tear gas
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
