tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Alive.
So much puke
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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