can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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