Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
