I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
